Holidays

Every time I return from holiday I have an exaggerated sense of my control over the world.  

Instinct

Considerations of instinct may be another route to the moment.  Acting in accord to instinct would leave the locus of control on the individual.  That is, me.  However, recent studies of data and human behaviour have proven that instinct is not always the smartest way of making decisions.  What seems intuitively correct, is not always right.  The example given is the Monte Hall conundrum.  You have three doors to chose from.  You choose one, then the host opens one of the other doors that does not have a prize hidden behind it.  He then asks if you want to switch doors.  Intuitively, you would think that it doesn't matter.  You have a fifty/fifty chance either way.  But, in fact, you increase your odds to 2/3s by switching.

Nevertheless, at the end of the day, all you have is your instinct.  It simply needs to be checked for veracity. The question lies in how stringently they should be checked. 

Yes, still the moment

The concert went well.  Jimmy Rankin was very polished as was his side kick, Jamie.  While Jamie was friendly and warm, one might have accused Jimmy of being a little cold.  Leading him to his dressing room after he'd arrived, he didn't even give me the opportunity to introduce myself which I kind of understand.  Even though the guy is a minor celebrity, he is immediately recognizable.  I asked if he wanted me to say anything with regard to introducing him and he said no so when I introduced him as "Here's Jimmy Rankin," he commented on my long and elaborate introduction.  

Attempting to keep the moment

I met Bill at the gym door on Sunday morning to load the stage onto the back of his truck.  Justin was there to meet us when we arrived at the church so now Bill had someone to complain to about the unreasonable expectations Jimmy had included in his rider, the rider Nicola had signed, the same rider that I, as president had failed to show sufficient disgust. Like the tech requirements, weren't they unreasonable and why did the stage have to be at least three feet above the floor and what about the hospitality requirements, did he have to have both Perrier and Evian water?  When he was in charge of contracts and was negotiating with Murray McLauchlan, he told Murray to shove it when he made too many demands on his committee.  "I may have an attitude," Bill says, "but at least I have an attitude."
I'd been listening to a podcast on the way back from Edmonton the night before, where Dean Martin was described as having been Mr. Cool and wondered if that could be me.  After my short discourse with Bill, I really didn't think that was the case.  

The Moment

I keep coming back to this one.  I did go through a very bad time with my Grade 12 social class.  Outright rebellion might not be overstating the situation; all behind my back.  I felt great apprehension with the approach of that last period of the day.  Would they gang up on me?  What would be my defence?   How could I engage them and still cover the curriculum.  Three months later, I have my answer.  I can’t.  Now, I need to blast through content, which brings me back to my topic, the moment.  Last night, we were listening to "This American Life" on the drive back to Slave Lake from Edmonton.  We'd taken Elizabeth and Hart out to dinner for her birthday to a "trashy Chinese restaurant" on 97th street.  Much to our surprise, Sai Woo restaurant was packed but just as we were opening the door to leave, the waiter stopped us to say that one of the customers had just paid and if we were wiling to wait a few minutes, he could seat us.  All went well except we didn't have a birthday cake for which I feel kind of badly but that's all beside the point.  This morning, I couldn't remember what the show was about.  I remembered the beginning about a student who couldn't go to the school in the next district and a considerably higher standard of living.  This segued into a documentary on the segregated neighbourhoods in the United States and how the government actually initiated them by granting mortgages to white citizens and not black leaving blacks in the downtown cores surrounded by a series of white suburbs, like a noose, someone had said with reference to lynchings in the south.  I realized that when I worry about the uncontrollable future, I should use that time to put my past in order, still living in the moment, but a different kind of moment.  And what about a program that could tabulate my life, put it in some kind of order.  Not really possible, but maybe this blog is.   

  

Delay gratification

Sometimes I reflect on how terrible my life is and will whine to whomever has the misfortunate to listen.  Yet, my life is not so bad.  It's just not 100% good and is this so possible.  Are we not all forced to make trade-offs?  Mine is between work and play.  I've chosen work that I rarely enjoy that has provided the majority of my time left to play.  Should I resent it when it presents greater demands than what I'm used to?   

Meaning?

My wife asked what I meant by snapped and I couldn't answer her. Not sure I can yet. I would say that I had a very peaceful day today so maybe it means I don't care. Maybe I've accepted the fact that I'm teaching full time now, I'm under the microscope and there's nothing I can do about it.